The Silent Struggle: Addressing Men's Depression Through Somatic Experiencing
Recognizing Male Depression Symptoms Through a Somatic Lens
Depression doesn’t always look like sadness. Especially in men.
Sometimes it looks like burnout that won’t go away. Or anger that bubbles over at the smallest thing. Or a body that just feels heavy, slow, disconnected.
We’ve been taught to white-knuckle through it. To stay strong. To tough it out. But the truth is—many men are silently struggling with depression, and they don't even know it.
Male depression symptoms often go unnoticed because they don’t always fit the typical mold. And because so many men are disconnected from their emotional world, the first signals often show up in the body.
That’s where somatic experiencing comes in. It’s a body-first approach to healing that gently helps us feel again. And that feeling—that reconnection—is the beginning of something new.
What Depression Actually Looks Like in Men
Depression in men can be quiet, masked by over-functioning or numbing.
It might look like:
Overworking to avoid being still
Picking fights or withdrawing from loved ones
Numbing with alcohol, porn, weed, or endless scrolling
Losing interest in things that used to bring joy
These aren’t just bad habits. They’re survival strategies. Ways the nervous system copes with overwhelm or emotional shutdown.
The challenge? These behaviors rarely raise red flags for men themselves. Especially if they’re still showing up for work, still providing, still "doing okay."
But internally, there’s a dull ache. A sense of not being fully alive.
That’s the silent struggle.
Somatic Signs of Depression: What the Body Tells Us
Before we can name depression, we often feel it in the body.
Here are some somatic signs of depression that I see in the men I work with:
Chronic fatigue or low energy, even after rest
Jaw tension, neck tightness, or shallow breath
Digestive issues or lack of appetite
Low libido or disinterest in touch
A persistent sense of heaviness or collapse
"Brian Fog" or feeling unclear in the head
Shoulders are chronically collapsed
These are not just random symptoms. They’re physiological signals from a nervous system stuck in survival mode—often in freeze or collapse.
When your body feels unsafe or overwhelmed, it shuts down. And when that shutdown goes on for too long, it can become chronic. That's depression.
The Role of the Nervous System in Male Depression
To understand depression from a somatic perspective, we need to look at the autonomic nervous system.
This system governs your survival responses:
Fight: anger, irritation, outbursts
Flight: anxiety, overworking, perfectionism
Freeze: numbness, withdrawal, exhaustion
Many men who are depressed aren’t sad—they’re frozen. Their system has given up on being overly activated in fight or flight and landed in shutdown.
According to Polyvagal Theory (Stephen Porges), this is the dorsal vagal shutdown—a form of protective disconnection.
But disconnection isn’t the end. It’s the beginning of healing if we learn how to move through it.
Healing Depression Through the Body: Somatic Experiencing Explained
Somatic Experiencing (SE) is a trauma-informed approach developed by Dr. Peter Levine. Instead of diving into memories or analysis, it focuses on gently guiding the nervous system back to safety, bit by bit.
Here’s how it works:
We start small. We slow down. We listen to the body.
We explore sensations, images, and micro-movements.
We track activation and deactivation (fight/flight and freeze).
We build capacity to stay present with discomfort without collapsing.
A somatic session might involve feeling the weight of your feet on the ground. Noticing your breath. Allowing an impulse to move.
And over time, these tiny moments help a man reconnect to himself through sensation, emotions, and meaning. He doesn’t have to tell his whole story. He just has to feel safe enough to stay with whatever arises from his body.
Real Stories: Men Healing Depression Somatically
One man I worked with couldn’t feel his body at all when we started. I'd ask him to drop his awareness into his legs and it was like they weren't there. He’d been on SSRIs for years, managed a team of 20, and spent weekends smoking weed, watching TV, and playing video games. What were once strategies to bring him calm, were now maladaptive coping strategies that were keeping him stuck.
In session, we began by noticing anything in his body that had sensation. His butt in his seat. His hands fidgeting. The heat in his face.
Sensation didn't come back over night but over time, he could notice how his chest tightened when he talked about work. How his shoulders dropped when he admitted something he was ashamed about. He learned to track his body like a compass. And with it, came more vitality, more choice, and more connection.
This is what happens when we let the body lead.
Practical Somatic Tools to Regulate and Reconnect
These tools don’t replace therapy, but they’re powerful ways to start.
1. Grounding Touch
Place one hand on your heart, the other on your belly. Feel the warmth. Breathe into that contact. This sends a message of safety to your nervous system.
2. Orienting
Let your eyes gently scan the room. Name what you see. This anchors you in the present and helps interrupt spirals.
3. Shake It Out
Stand up. Shake your arms, legs, shoulders. Imagine releasing tension through movement.
4. Feet to the Floor
Sit down. Press your feet into the ground. Notice pressure, texture, temperature. This grounds and stabilizes.
5. Slow Exhale
Inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 6. Repeat. The long exhale activates the parasympathetic (rest and digest) system.
Use these in moments of overwhelm or as a daily practice.
When and How to Seek Help
If you’re noticing persistent male depression symptoms—especially numbness, disconnection, or physical complaints that don’t go away—it might be time to get support.
Here’s what that might look like:
Working with a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner
Joining a men’s group like MELD
Attending a retreat like SHIFT Men’s Retreat
Talking to a therapist trained in body-based trauma work
Or simply opening up to a trusted friend
Ask questions like:
Do you work somatically?
How do you help clients reconnect to their bodies?
What kind of trauma training do you have?
You deserve support that meets you where you are.
FAQs: Understanding Male Depression and Somatic Healing
What are the first physical signs of male depression symptoms?
Fatigue, low libido, muscle tension, digestive issues, and a sense of heaviness or disconnect.
Can somatic experiencing help with long-term depression?
Yes. SE helps by addressing the nervous system patterns that often underlie chronic depression.
What if I feel numb all the time?
Numbness is a form of protection. SE helps gently thaw that numbness and reconnect you with sensation.
How is SE different from talk therapy?
SE is body-first. Instead of analyzing, it helps you notice and complete stuck survival responses in the body.
Can I start healing on my own?
Absolutely. Try grounding tools, breathwork, or somatic practices. And when you're ready, seek guided support.
You’re Not Broken—Your Body Is Communicating
The body doesn’t lie.
It speaks in tension, in fatigue, in numbness. And when we listen, we begin to heal.
Male depression symptoms are often quiet. But when we understand how they show up in the body, we can meet them with compassion—not shame.
Somatic experiencing isn’t a magic fix. But it is a gentle, effective way to come home to yourself.
If this resonates, here are your next steps:
Book a Free Consultation Call to see if Somatic Experiencing Coaching is right for you.
Maybe you don’t have enough resources to invest in coaching, download the free guide: 20 Free Practices to Support Your Mental Health—Starting Today
Subscribe to SHIFT Newsletter for weekly body-based insights
You’re not alone in this. And you don’t have to carry it alone anymore.
