2026-09-10 - Living Letters - What Happens When Men Feel Safe in their Bodies
A few days ago, on September 10, the day after SHIFT ended, I sat in Cabo San Lucas with birds chirping below me and small waves coming onto the beach. I had taken a day to myself to integrate. I was tired, grateful, and still taking in what we had experienced together.
I kept thinking about the changes I had watched unfold over the week, and the conditions that helped make room for them. So much of the work began with something we can easily overlook when we are focused on growth: whether we feel safe enough to be here.
Transcript:
I just wrapped up SHIFT 2026 here in Baja California, and I took a day to myself to integrate.
I’m here in Cabo San Lucas. You can probably hear the birds chirping below and the tiny waves lapping on the beach. I can feel the oppressive-ish humidity weighing heavily on my skin. There are yachts parked here in the bay, set in front of these undulating mountains and rock formations that kind of look like a dragon’s back. It’s absolutely stunning.
I’m feeling tired, but I’m also feeling incredibly grateful for what we created over the week.
I’ve been reflecting these last 24 hours on how we create the kind of space that we do at SHIFT. And it has to do with safety.
All too often, with the men I work with or the men who come to my programs, there is a constant, steady feeling of danger, which they might call stress, overwhelm, or burnout. In that constant state of stress and burnout, they are living in a state of chronic contraction, where their bodies don’t know how to let go and rest.
When I work with guys like this, the first thing I try to teach them is what it means to feel safe within their body. Because when we feel safe in our body, our bodies can heal.
At SHIFT Men’s Retreat, from the get-go, from the jump, we try to set a container of relative safety. We invite men to feel safe within the container and within themselves, because that’s the only way they’re going to grow. That’s the only way they’re going to heal.
The reality is, we can’t heal if we are constantly in a state of danger or stress. Our bodies cannot repair themselves if they cannot downregulate into parasympathetic rest and digest, or rest and restore.
Men who are constantly on the move, or who even feel a kind of safety in always being on the go, end up feeling burned out sometime in their life. They may also ultimately have some kind of chronic illness or autoimmune disease, or die early.
It was really brilliant to see. Maybe that’s not the right word. It was really nice and affirming to see these men, over the few days, just start to soften in their bodies. Without their devices, without any distractions, being in community.
As their bodies softened, their bodies also started to feel safe.
With that safety comes play, creativity, and expansion. There comes connection, deeper breaths, and relaxation.
When we start to live in these more expanded states, we can start to resolve or look at our problems through a different perspective. That gives us more access and more resources to move through our stress with just a little bit more ease, with a little bit more awareness.
This week, safety was a big component of the work we did. Because safety was established so early on, by day six, these guys were feeling so deeply connected to themselves and also connected with each other.
I’m feeling really inspired by this year’s retreat, and I’m bringing it back next year, same time, September 2027.
I’m also pushing myself a little bit, and I’m going to be doing it again in March 2028. That’s not quite set up yet, so if you’re interested, just shoot me an email or get on my Instagram and shoot me a DM. I’ll send you some information. I’ll get you on the waitlist.
If you know someone who could really use this work, let them know about what we do.
I also encourage all of you to keep spreading the word about men’s mental health and how we support men. Because if we truly want more safety in the world and less violence, we need to support men. We need to teach them what safety feels like.
All right, y’all. Sending you all so much love.
Thanks for listening.
