2026-09-15 - Living Letters - How Loneliness Teaches Me
I can laugh about the bank errand now, but that morning my patience was already thin. Even after I got home, ordinary tasks felt like more than I had room for. In this letter, I follow that feeling through an evening with my men's group and into the next day. Press play and spend a few minutes with me as I explore what that change helped me notice.
Transcript:
Yesterday, I woke up in a mood.
It started showing up as irritability. I went out to run errands, and with Independence Day here in Mexico, there was a bunch of traffic. Our bank is in Centro, and I was feeling impatient. I had a lot to get done.
Then I got to the bank, and they wouldn't let me withdraw money because the signature on my Mexican driver's license didn't match the signature they had in their system.
I'm so glad I can laugh about it now. But in the moment, it was like, “Oh my God. What the fuck?”
They wanted me to meet with the person who had set up our account, but I had appointments. I needed to get out of there. So I left and went to the ATM.
Basically, one thing piled up after another. And these were pretty normal things about living here in Mexico. Things I expect. Usually, I have the capacity for traffic and congestion and things not going according to plan.
But yesterday, that capacity was very thin.
I got home that afternoon, and I was still in this place of, Ugh.
As I was working, I noticed more irritability and impatience. There were things I was trying to set up, and I just felt like the world was closing in on me. I had very little available for tasks I could normally do.
So I paused.
I got curious about what I was feeling.
And it was loneliness. I was feeling alone.
Jerry and I had been apart for over a week and a half. He's in Europe right now. I had just been in Baja, and these last few days had been a little tough, with Bert being sick and me not getting the connection I'd been craving.
It was interesting to observe how my loneliness was showing up as irritability and impatience.
I recognized it because those kinds of things usually don't send me into a loop of disappointment and anger. Normally, I can say, “Okay, this is the way it is,” and move on.
But yesterday, I didn't have those resources. I didn't have that capacity.
Because I do this work and teach this work, I know that when I'm lonely, connection is what I need. And I knew I had my men's group that night.
Every quarter, we have a game night. It's a nice way to break up some of the depth we go into each week.
I've been in this group for over five years. I know these guys well, and they know me. We have rapport. We can be silly with each other.
Last night, there was a lot of silliness and playfulness. We have this kind of banter that feels really healthy and loving, and being with them brought so much levity into my system.
All of a sudden, it was like, “Oh, okay. Yes. Here it is.”
I felt reconnected to myself. The loneliness started to dissipate. It started to lift from my experience and my state of mind.
It was a way for me to move from contraction into expansion, from loneliness into connectedness.
Then today, I hosted THE PRACTICE.
As an observer and a facilitator, I got to watch guys share from a vulnerable place. And even now, about fifteen minutes after getting off that call, I'm still feeling that expansion.
You might even hear the smile in my voice.
I don't feel lonely anymore. I feel resourced and energized. The tasks I couldn't do yesterday feel like things I have the capacity for now.
My loneliness keeps teaching me that I'm craving connection.
When I'm irritable or impatient, when I feel like the world is closing in on me, when I don't have room for tasks I can normally handle, what's often there is a need for connection.
Sometimes that connection looks like silliness, play, and banter. Sometimes it looks like watching other people be vulnerable and open up.
That starts to fill a cup inside me that had been empty.
So reach out to someone you love. Be silly.
Not all connection needs to be deep. We don't always have to go into the darkness and shadows of our growth. Connection can happen in the expansive light of playfulness and silliness, too. It can happen while witnessing someone move through their own work.
I hope you have a really wonderful rest of your week. Sending you all so much love.
Let me know your thoughts. I'd love to hear how this resonated with you.
